The Myth of the "Good Sleeper": Why Your Baby Isn't Broken

Let me guess. Someone has asked you recently whether your baby is "a good sleeper." Maybe it was your mum. Maybe it was a colleague. Maybe it was someone in a coffee shop who absolutely did not need to know, but asked anyway.

And if your answer was anything other than "yes, sleeping through since six weeks, absolute angel," you probably felt that little pang. That quiet wondering. Well, they’re not sleeping through the night, does that make them a bad sleeper?

Here's what I want you to know today: absolutely nothing is wrong with either of you.

We've been told a story about baby sleep, but it just isn't true.

At some point, the idea of the "good sleeper" became the gold standard for new parents. It became the goal everyone was supposed to reach. Over time, the age for this milestone kept getting pushed earlier, until waking at night started to seem like a problem rather than a normal part of having a baby. (Ezzo & Bucknam, 1993)

But here's the thing. The research that said babies should sleep through the night by twelve weeks is old and outdated. It doesn't match what we now know about how babies actually sleep. (Parents shouldn't worry about their baby's inconsistent sleep patterns, 2020)

What the more recent research actually tells us

Newer studies show something different. Most babies still wake up at night well into their first year, and many keep doing so even longer. (Scher, 1991, pp. 295-302) This isn't a sleep disorder or a sign of bad parenting. It's just normal baby sleep. Babies have shorter sleep cycles than adults, so they wake up more often and often need help getting back to sleep. (Ball 2025) That's not a problem—it's just how babies are.

Some babies do sleep through the night early, but they are not the majority. Just because some babies can do something doesn't mean all babies should. We wouldn't expect every baby to walk at nine months just because some do, and sleep is no different.

The real cost of the "good sleeper" myth

When we compare our babies to unrealistic standards, nobody wins. Parents spend their nights thinking they're doing something wrong. They second-guess themselves, try one method after another, and lie awake during the few moments their baby is sleeping, worrying about why nothing seems to work.

And underneath all of that is this quiet, exhausting shame. The sense that other mums have figured something out that you haven't. That your baby's night waking is a reflection of your parenting.

It isn't. It really, truly isn't.

So what does this mean for you?

It means you can relax a bit. Your baby waking at night doesn't mean you've done anything wrong. It doesn't mean your baby is broken. It just means your baby is being a baby, doing what babies have always done.

That doesn't mean your exhaustion isn't real, or that you don't deserve more sleep. You definitely do. But the first step isn't to fix your baby. The first step is to let go of the idea that your baby needs fixing at all.

Your baby isn't failing at sleep. They're just doing it the way babies do, and so are you.